PSYCHOLOGY, SUICIDE and RELIGION.- (The WHY of it.)
Inability of your loved ones to recognize the mental trauma you are facing, more than often leaves a void that doesn’t seem to fill and creates a strange sense of loneliness in life that it seems only fit to sit for a while by the side of a road and watch life pass bye while preparing for the long rest by taking a short cut to meet thy maker and ask him – WHY?
Blasphemous, pagan, lack of faith or cowardice are the common hurls.
Why Blasphemous or incredulous? Why else would one entertain such a thought if it isn’t You whispering it in my ears. Who else can enter my mind or reside in my heart. Who else can boast of power over
Circumstances , thus leading me here into this trap of yours, like you did to Adam and Eve, without taking any blame unto thyself. Your love for trickery and avoiding blame is well known and has been the favourite subject of folklore since the very fall of man, the Original Sin. Poor Satan, he doesn’t know that he was a mere tool in your grand scheme of things. Else, how difficult would it have been for you to warn or stop Eve. Ah! Instead you chose to punish the entire humanity for the crime they never committed, for a sin they were never a part of, and condemned them all to earn redemption by the sweat and blood of their brows. So, Ye the Just one ,Hasn’t it always been you, pulling the strings from behind the scenes whenever a man falters or falls, successfully avoiding suspicious fingers from pointing in your direction. On one hand you remain hidden from human eye wearing your cloak of invisibility, then you abandon me and put the blame on my lack of faith. I searched for you when an eight year old was raped in Kathua and when thousands die of hunger every day. You were no where to be found but I remember you announcing yourself as the protector of the world, protector of rich and poor alike. I can hear your promise ringing in my ear again and again – I provide sustenance to all.
Your gift of “free will” is like the promise of
your son paying for my sins with his blood. If my sins are already paid for then why is this sword of heaven and hell still hanging over my head. Shouldn’t the supreme sacrifice have washed away all my sins making me eligible for your mercy and grace, for a seat over the dining table in heaven. Same is your free will. In my left hand I have my free will and in my right hand I have commandments from Adam, Moses, Jesus and every other Prophet, telling me that even a leaf can’t move without your supreme will, thus negating my free will with one swift verse. Let there be darkness and darkness it was. So if it is all your will, you move the SPHERES , make the Sun rise in the morning and Moon at night, then all my human endeavors are nothing but mere fulfillment of your grand scheme. If it is certainly you guiding the hands of a doctor in a successful surgery then how is it definitely not you when this hand will slit my own throat or wrist. Laying down life voluntarily in way of your Will should make me a martyr and not a coward. It’s not running away from life but running towards life, eternal life. Who would blame the hurried steps of a love torn soul for the embrace of love , who blames a horde for running towards the the Oasis in the middle of a desert, or who has ever blamed a Lamb for quaffing from a gushing stream. If my maker discardeth our union then I will at least reserve the right to ask WHY?
(The author can be reached on theowl@paigaam.in)
